I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
