Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I want to have your abortion
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
