I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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