nut hugger
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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