Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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