at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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