I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
