I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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