I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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