WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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