Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
