The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
