he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I could fuck to npr.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
