Fuck appropriateness.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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