I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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