Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
