i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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