You smell like a Billy Joel song
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
