hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
