it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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