Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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