Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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