Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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