god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
