just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
we're making bets on your personal life
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
