I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Randomize
