If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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