My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
