I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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