sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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