OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
