I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
