Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
