just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
