Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
