I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
they need to just BURY HIM!
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
