The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
When are your genitals available?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
