oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
