A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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