Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Randomize
