there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
