I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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