got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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