How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
