i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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