Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
My underwear smells like fireworks.
zippers are such a cool invention
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
