I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
