no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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