my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
