I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
